I have no idea if anyone reads this.
Just in case anyone actually does, I figured I'd update for the first time in probably six months.
Breaking up with Erich was one of the hardest things I've ever gone through. It's been six months  since we split, and I still miss him like crazy. It's hard to describe though, it's a combination of things I miss. It's not exactly him as a person I miss (I mean, I still see him pretty frequently), it's more having a partner who knows me so incredibly well and is so in tune with me that I miss.
That being said, splitting up with him has turned out to be one of the best things to happen to me.
Don't get me wrong, I think Erich is an incredible guy. I have so much love in my heart for him, and I know I always will. But what I didn't realize when I was with him, and engaged to him, was that I was living my life for him, and not for me. I lost so much of myself that I wasn't Jen's Jen. I was Erich's Jen. And being forced to learn to be Jen's Jen has been terrifying and heartbreaking yet wonderful and exhilarating all at the same time. I'm more independent than I've ever been, and (especially after shattering my ankle and being forced to pretty much sit on the couch for six weeks...that was some good thinkin time!) happier than I've ever been.

Erich and I were not ready to get married. Obviously. I think we were both so excited at the fact that we really did love each other, that we kind of threw caution to the wind and went full-steam ahead, even though neither of us were ready. We got engaged way too fast. It hit me a while ago that I was Erich's first real relationship, and I personally think he needs to see what else is out there before he settles down. I've dated quite a bit and have a pretty good idea of what I want. And frankly, Erich has many of the qualities I want in a guy. And who knows, maybe God will work his funny ways and get us back together at some point. Maybe he won't. I'm definitely not sitting around pining for Erich, but I'm also not throwing myself at every guy that smiles at me. I just don't know what the future holds. And that's why I'm having so much fun with life right now. Life is too short to sit around being sad. Erich and I are still friends, we have "joint custody" of our dog, Vida, and I'd do anything for him. He's an amazing guy, still knows me better than just about anyone, and I truly wish him all the happiness in the world.

Oh, life

For anyone who doesn't know (not that I think anyone actually reads this thing), Erich and I split up two weeks ago.

I know it probably seemed really sudden, but it really wasn't. We had been having some difficulties for about a month, and we slowly realized that as much as we do really love each other, we just aren't right for each other. It just wasn't working.

We are still very close friends. I think the more time that goes by, we will realize that we are much better as friends than anything more. We are both obviously sad (well, heartbroken..), but it's almost like the pressure on our relationship has been taken off.

It's a huge life change for the both of us. We are both moving to Salt Lake pretty soon, and I am excited to see how our friendship evolves. I feel very lucky that as hard as this split is, he remains my closest friend.

Summer!

One of these days, I will learn how to take pictures and post them on this thing.

Spring semester is officially over, I had my last final last Tuesday (the 3rd). I've had eleven awesome days of no school stress...but that will all end Monday. I have a feeling I'm going to regret not giving myself a summer with no school, but I have SO many classes I have to take before I can even apply to Nursing school...I'll never get them done if I don't take summer classes.

At least my final grades were two A's and one A-. YAAAAY! My GPA is higher than it ever was in high school. Hah. 

It looks like Erich and I will be moving back to Salt Lake very shortly, and will be living with two of our closest friends. In all honesty, I'd rather it just be Erich and I, I love living alone with him, but Alex and Matone are like family to us. Erich used to live with both of them, in the first year or so that we were dating, so we know it will work out. I just cannot wait to not have a commute to work/school. 

I deleted my Facebook. Actually, I just deactivated it, but I don't see myself "reactivating" it for a long time. I decided I was way too much of a slave to the internet and needed a break. I deleted it last Friday, and it has been really nice not wondering what's going on in the Facebook world. I mean, I have this thing called a phone that I can use to keep in touch with people also..

It seems like all of my friends and family members are pregnant, and frankly its killing me. I would LOVE to have children (at least one) like...right now, but that is just not in the cards for us. For one, we aren't even married yet,  I am in school and work full time, and soon Erich will join me on that. I just wish Erich and I could get married soon. Tomorrow preferably. 

Anyway. This has basically been me rambling the whole time. I have no idea if anyone even reads this...kudos to you if you did. 

Pooped

I don't like to be a whiner, but man I am kinda losing it lately.
It has been a super rough few weeks for my family (made even harder by the fact that they are in Florida and I can't really do much from here), and I am just exhausted all the time. Not good when I have finals coming up VERY soon and am a lot farther behind in school than I'll admit to myself. I'm hoping I can get caught up this weekend but that involves me not napping the entire weekend.
Not to mention my wallet was stolen on Saturday (well, I actually lost it, apparently it fell out of my car when I dropped a friend off at home, but then someone picked it up and decided to use it) and I'm all discombobulated because of that. I have to call my bank first thing in the morning because someone went crazy using the credit card that was supposedly cancelled...and now I'm freaking out about the possibility of identity theft.
But at least I have a nice warm house, some very affectionate pets, a stable job, a car that is paid off, great friends and family and an awesome guy who loves me.
Trying to look on the bright side of things!

Clocks are tickin

I'm trying to convince Erich we should just elope, and then have some huge party (or several smaller parties) for our families. Mainly cause I am just sick of having to tell people, "No, no date set yet....waiting on several factors." And well, I really want to be married to him.
I mean, in all honesty, the ONLY thing we are waiting on at this point is for my mother to be accepting of the idea of me being married. Erich's family is very supportive, my dad and his family are all very supportive as well...it's just my mom who seems to think that if we get married now, we'll be divorced in a few years.
I just don't think it's very fair that not only am I having to put things on hold, but Erich is as well, just because my mom has her own idea of when is a proper age to marry.

This is getting so frustrating. we DID have a date in mind, ages ago when we first got engaged (July 30, if anyone cares), but obviously that's not happening. The fact that I have no idea when we actually will get married seriously bums me out. I mean I know we're not going to fall apart and split up or anything, we have a very strong relationship...but I want to be able to call him my husband already. And well, the biological clock be tickin'...I want babies. Maybe not in the next couple of years, but definitely in the next five years. And at the rate we're going (let me rephrase: at the rate my mother is going, learning to accept the fact that we are getting married), I'll be fifty before I have kids. Ugh.