Just thinking about things

I just realized that today is two years to the day since Erich proposed to me.

These past two years have been crazy and turbulent and exciting and terrifying, great and terrible, painful and heartwarming.

Life has changed so much,even in the past couple of months. I cannot believe how fast 2012 has flown by. I was right in my prediction that due to crappy NYE, the year itself would be a good one.

I'll try to do a quick recap:
I finally, FINALLY passed Math 990. Long story there, between various breakups and injuries, it took me 3 tries. I now only have 3 prereqs left. WOO!

I lived with Jeff, Matt and Carlos for a year. Those boys became brothers to me. As did Matt's brother Cody, their friends Colby and Bubba, and Jeff's friends Derek and Alec. Though I knew Alec before Jeff did. The last night we had in that house, I cried so hard.

In March, I went out with an old friend, Arielle, one night. Little did I know that night would prove to change my life forever. She introduced me to her godbrother, Rob. Fast forward a month, and we were head over heels for each other.

The thing with Rob though, is that as crazy as we were about each other, he's got some severe issues. I didn't recognize them at first. He is in the National Guard and has been deployed twice...leading to severe PTSD. He has also struggled with drug addiction in the past.
Beyond that though, he was a really good guy. We got along spectacularly well in most aspects. I became really good friends with most of his friends. But after a few months, it was obvious that something just wasn't working. We decided to take a break.
I really think he thought that I would wait around for him forever. He didn't know what he wanted when we first split, and I think he figured out really quickly that he wanted me in his life forever. But his mistake? Not telling me this, and acting so cold towards me that I thought he was over it completely.
Then I went to a bbq at one of his friend's houses. Long story short, I had always gotten along with Alec well, and had realized in the few post-Rob weeks that I may even have a bit of a crush on him. Turns out these feelings were very mutual. Alec and I have now been dating for a little over a month, and he is the best thing that has ever happened to me. Rob isn't taking it so well, but oh well he'll get over it. I guess he told Alec that letting me go was one of the biggest mistakes he's ever made, and that if I want him, never let me go.

Alec is making me realize there are good guys left. He is so fantastic. He's quiet and reserved,but has this incredible sense of humor. Being with him is so easy and natural. My parents adore him. He is so good to me. I don't even really know what else to say about him other than that I am very, very happy and excited to see where this goes.

Two more months of 2012. Hopefully they're good ones :)

2011/2012

I am really hoping 2012 turns out to be a better year than 2011. Between splitting with Erich, my mother's cancer coming back and shattering my ankle, 2011 really kind of blew for me. And fittingly, New Years Eve really sucked too. BUT. The last time I had a really bad NYE, the next year (2009) ended up being one of the best of my life. And all the goodness was rolling in by February, and it just kept getting better. Hoping that happens again!
I'm trying to stay optimistic even though I've been pretty blue lately. So, here are some highs from the year:
Keeping straight A's, ending up on the Dean's List

Discovering that I really love to crochet

Finding out that I am far more independent than I ever thought I could be.

Inadvertently losing the weight I apparently gained while with Erich (between the breakup diet and being on crutches for 8 weeks, those pounds pretty much just fell off), and feeling much more like me in my own skin again

Becoming MUCH closer to my family--and hey, go figure, they rock!

Moving into a house with three random dudes I didn't know--this turned out to be one of the best things this year. Carlos, Jeff and Matt (and Cody, Matt's brother, and Ariel, his girlfriend) have become family to me. I don't know how I lucked out with our living situation. Plus, they let me keep my cats...I let Erich keep our dog, I don't know what I would have done if I'd had to give my cats up as well.

Figuring out who my real, true, close friends are. Not that they read this, but Ariel (not the one I just mentioned) and Shandi, holy crap ladies. I don't know what I'd do without you. Not to mention Alex, Cami, Nick, Ben, Kelly, and a bunch of others.

Reconnecting with all these friends from when I was 10, 11, 12 years old..who all grew up into these really awesome people!

I also met a ton of really cool people this year.

And, because I am me, the Jen Bloopers of the Year:
Shattering my ankle while getting out of a car really takes the cake

But falling out of a chair while flirting with a boy isn't that far behind

Nor was breaking my glasses in half at a music festival, and having to call my dad to take me to get contacts because I very literally cannot see anything without vision correction (though this one I can partially blame on Erich, since we were play wrestling when they flew off)

There were several others, but I can't remember them right now. Those are the first ones off the top of my head.

I'd like to say the good outweighs the bad this year, but honestly, it just doesn't. I have a shattered ankle and shattered heart on the mend. Both are steadily getting stronger, but not done healing yet.  Both will take time. And frankly, I have a really simple resolution this year: let myself heal. I'm not going to try to change anything about myself, or say I'm going to start something new, I just want to let myself heal completely.
Here's hoping 2012 has some good surprises in store for me.